Theoretically, finding a solution instead of compromising is ideal. But, is it really possible? Can we always find a solution for all concerns in our relationship? Life is about compromise - not only in relationships. So why is it that some people refuse to compromise? Why is it that people see compromising as a threat?
Perhaps we misunderstand what compromising means. The question is; “What is your goal? Is your goal a successful relationship, or is your goal to have only your individual needs met?
I like to think about compromises as gifts. You do not have to compromise, but you would like to compromise. Because, compromising will help you achieve the goal of a successful relationship. The reason why people run away from compromising is because they see it as having to relinquish a part of themselves. These types of “compromises” build resentment and are never productive in a relationship. Compromising is about finding the middle ground where the focus is on both yourself and your partner as a unit. It is about doing something you might not be excited about, yet at the same time setting limits within the compromise. For example, your partner would like to go to aunt Susan for the holiday dinner. You really dislike aunt Susan. You compromise on going to aunt Susan, yet request that you leave at a specific time. You give, and your partner gives, is it really that bad?
Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC is a psychotherapist in New York City where she practices individual therapy, couples counseling, and sex counseling. You can contact Sara at firstname.lastname@example.org and read more blog posts at www.mwr.nyc
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Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, LMHC