Every time I suggest to a client the idea of scheduling sex, without fail I get the same reaction. Either turning up their nose or a flat out no accompanied by “that so unromantic” or “it kills the vibe, if I need to schedule sex I would rather not do it.”
Since you refuse to schedule sex, this is what it looks like: You want to flirt but you withhold because you're afraid that it will lead to sex and you just do not have time. Days go by as you and your partner make halfhearted attempts at initiating sex but you are both so distracted that nothing ever happens. You are tempted to sext your partner but abstain because you know you’ll both be drained at the end of the day, so why bother ignite the passion. You neglect to do anything to spark sexual tension because you've completely forgotten that sex is even a thing.
Imagine this, you know that your sex-date is scheduled for Monday or Wednesday or whatever your favorite day of the week is. You allow yourself to flirt, because you know there is no way sex is happening. So flirt all you want because you are going right back to that task that is waiting for you. You sext or send naughty messages as your sex-date draws closer. You allow sexual tension to build up because you know you are going down (or up) with a bang. All the passion that you invest has a goal and when on your sex-date you are present, no distractions. You are excited to remain intimately engaged because you most definitely remember that sex is a still a thing.
And if you break the schedule... have sex outside the allowed day… oh well, I doubt you'll complain.
Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, LMHC, CASAC is a licensed mental health counselor in NYC, where she provides individual counseling and intimacy counseling. You can contact Sara at firstname.lastname@example.org and read more blog posts at www.mwr.nyc
Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, LMHC