My favorite infograph of the year!
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The terms sex and gender are used interchangeably. These two terms (sex and gender) are in fact not interchangeable since the terms describe different experiences. Sex is what you are assigned at birth. Gender is an internal understanding of self that one begins to develop at birth, and this understanding continues to evolve over time. Gender – There are three aspects that makeup the complete understanding of ones own gender: 1. Biological gender - your physical gender presentation 2. Gender Identity - your internal understanding of self as male, female, both, or none 3. Gender Expression - how you relate to another gender. Sex – the anatomy you have at birth, including your gonads, your sex chromosomes, and sex hormones. When a baby is born, the baby is assigned the male or female sex according to the physical presentation. Developing a gender identity: John Money (1993) explains that we understand our gender identity in two ways, identifying and complementing. Identifying is when we copy someone who has the same gender identity as our own. Complementing is when we learn how our gender identity compliments another’s gender identity. For example, we learn how to dance by identifying (copying) with the instructor and we learn about the beauty of dance by watching how we compliment our dancing partner. The gender spectrum: Because we see sex and gender as interchangeable terms we have only two affixed terms for gender: male or female. Yet, taking a look at the Bem Sex Role Inventory tells us that gender is more complex than the assigned sexual anatomy. The Bem-Sex role inventory was designed in 1971 in order to measure the masculine, feminine, and androgynous traits in each person. The inventory places each person on a spectrum from femininity to masculinity in contrast to 2 affixed terms. To more accurately explain the human experience we would have to move away from our binary understanding of gender, to a continuum of gender traits. While many may don't care about their male or female title, some are yearning to connect to their gender experience with a more expansive non-binary term. Welcoming a gender spectrum would benefit even those who are comfortable with their matched sex and gender (cis-gender). This would allow all of us to experience both our male and female attributes without feeling forced to suppress our counter-sex traits. See this video posted by The Huffington Post for a detailed list of gender identity terms. Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC is a psychotherapist in New York City where she practices individual therapy, couples counseling, and sex counseling. You can contact Sara at sara@mwr.nyc and read more blog posts at www.mwr.nyc
Follow me on Instagram @sexfacts4dummies Follow me on Twitter @flashtherapy15 In 2012 the FDA approved the first HIV over-the-counter, home-use test. Users can do a simple oral swab and will receive a response in a matter of minutes. Unfortunately, the test did not get the attention it deserves. The benefits of the OraQuick in-home HIV tests can help people know their HIV status a lot sooner. The sooner someone knows their HIV status, the sooner they can get help. Treating HIV early improves treatment outcomes and quality of life. The test is a simple oral swab and it will indicate a negative or positive response. A positive result on the test means the person has antibodies for the disease and should go see their primary care physician immediately. A negative result indicates the person has not been infected because the body did not build the antibodies. It is important to note that antibodies take time to build, if you know you have participated in risky sexual behaviors or shared a needle, test yourself again a few weeks or months later. Many people avoid getting tested for HIV because they delay making an appointment, they are concerned about meeting someone in the waiting room, they are afraid to wait for their results an entire week, they get queasy around needles, and other reasons people avoid getting tested. The OraQuick in-home HIV test solves many of the above concerns. A. No waiting to see a doctor. The test is done in the comfort of your own home B. No need to worry about bumping into someone you do not want to meet in the waiting room C. The response is immediate, unlike other test where you wait for your results. D. If you are afraid of needles, you do not have to draw blood. E. This is quick and easy. If you know you are at risk of contracting HIV you can stock up with these tests at home and test yourself every 3 to 6 months. If you are still not convinced, read this article on 7 reasons to get tested for HIV. OraQuick can be purchased on Amazon.com #gettested *Disclaimer: This article is not about endorsing the product but to bring awareness to the public. The best way to protect yourself from HIV and STD’s is practicing safe sex. Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC is a psychotherapist in New York City where she practices individual therapy, couples counseling, and sex counseling. You can contact Sara at sara@mwr.nyc and read more blog posts at www.mwr.nyc
Follow me on Instagram @sexfacts4dummies Follow me on Twitter @flashtherapy15 Disclaimer: I use the pronoun she to describe the victim since many of the media stories about college campus rape are a male perpetrator and a female victim. This is not to discredit or overlook the rape and abuse of male victims. Where I use the pronoun she can easily be replaced with he and the facts of why we don't believe the victim would be the same. In the previous blog post I wrote about societies failure to admit to rape, calling rape accusations - false, and preferring to blame it all on alcohol use or on the victims behaviors and not the rapists actions. In this blog I would like to highlight some points about how the media and the court system builds their case that a rape accusation is false. Thereby, allowing the rapist to carry on without taking full responsibility for his actions. Statistics show that out of 1000 perpetrators, only 6 are convicted of rape and go to jail.
Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC is a psychotherapist in New York City where she practices individual therapy, couples counseling, and sex counseling. You can contact Sara at sara@mwr.nyc and read more blog posts at www.mwr.nyc
Follow me on Instagram @sexfacts4dummies Follow me on Twitter @flashtherapy15 Countless of campus rape stories and trials are in the news. Along with these public rape trials or shall we call it, public slaughter of the victims, comes the cry of "it's a false rape accusation" What terrifies me most is that the cry of false accusation is not that we've got the wrong perp but that the perpetrator claims his action was not rape. "He and the victim were merely drunk, yes of course she enjoyed it" The rapist has the audacity to claim that consent was given by someone who was so intoxicated that she doesn't even remember the details of the night. In stead of the focus being on a horrific sexual act and the behavior of violating a woman it becomes all about the alcohol and drinking, as you can read in the letter by the Stanford rape victim. We start to campaign against campus drinking in stead of campaigning against rape. We start to preach about controlled drinking instead of teaching consent. We announce that alcohol is the cause of bad choices, in stead of pointing a finger at the rapist and saying "HE made the bad choice" Why? Is the topic of sex still so taboo that even when we need to protect others we still refuse to admit that sex is a thing - that we do? Society and its leaders are so comfortable speaking about campus drinking and they refuse to speak about campus sex. Dear leaders and educators, I will say it in the best way I know how; "college students are having sex!" Quite with the abstinence talk, quit with the save it for marriage blabber, quit with the threats of STDs, and start talking about SEX. Teach young adults about sex, pleasure, safety, consent, and their right to make choices! Teach young adults that they have the right to pleasure and sex as long as they ask and don't take. And maybe, just maybe, the next person who rapes won't be so confused about what consent TRULY means. Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC is a psychotherapist in New York City where she practices individual therapy, couples counseling, and sex counseling. You can contact Sara at sara@mwr.nyc and read more blog posts at www.mwr.nyc
Follow me on Instagram @sexfacts4dummies Follow me on Twitter @flashtherapy15 The basic rule about sex is that as long as the act/action is Safe, Sane, and Consensual, enjoy it at your hearts content. How do we define sexual consent? Generally, consent is when two (or more) individuals agree on a specific sex act. The consent given is only for the particular encounter. If your partner consents to kissing, it does not mean that he or she consented to intercourse. Sometimes, consent is not a simple “yes you may.” You cannot say yes, if you cannot say no. If you do not feel comfortable saying no to sex or a specific sex act, your yes, is not a yes. Here are some questions to ponder: If a student has sex with her professor, is that consent? Or, if a 19 year- old girl has sex with her 50 year-old neighbor, is that consent? Can consent be given if the partners are not equal in their levels of sexual maturity? How about, if one partner is not emotionally stable? For example, you are aware that the boy you are pursuing recently had a trauma in his life. Or, the girl you are pursuing is struggling with an addiction or a mental illness. Are these individuals truly consenting? Most importantly, is it consent if one partner is intoxicated? Perhaps you are a little tipsy but your partner is surely drunk, is it okay to make out with him or her? Who is the one responsible in this situation? And then there is the encounter where consent is not explicitly spoken about. “But he or she did not say no!” If they did not say no, does it mean they said yes? These are complex questions that test our ethical boundaries. Always remember to watch for the other persons’ body language, facial expression, and listen to what they are saying. Rather err on the side of less sex, than err on the side of having non-consensual sex. What do you think? I always enjoy reading articles where celebrities call for positive change and inspire positive behavior. I am particularly pleased when these messages begin to foster sex positive change. Though not a fan of her music, I am a fan of Nicki Minaj’s call for orgasm awareness. As a woman, you have the right for pleasure and never should you be too shy, too afraid, or too uncomfortable to ask for pleasure. If you trust your skill more than your partners, that’s cool to. Let it be a joint effort. But, hardly ever should you turn away, thinking, I wish I got more. Are you wondering if orgasm is even your thing. Besides for the aw-awesome feeling, there are many health benefits to orgasms. Orgasms can relieve headaches, relieve stress, relieve anxiety, enhance focus enhance concentration, and best of all weight loss. An orgasm can burn 75 calories or more. Good orgasms can lead to healthy babies. The intensity of an orgasm makes it difficult for sperm to swim up the fallopian tube. This causes a natural selection process where the weaker sperm loses the race to the stronger and healthier sperm cells. Speaking of orgasms, it would be unwise not to mention that very many women do not orgasm from vaginal sex. If you are one of the many who does not orgasm from vaginal sex with out clitoral stimulation, here is where vibrators, digits, and lube become your next best friend. And now, repeat after me: “I am worthy of pleasure, I deserve pleasure, I enjoy my pleasure, simply for being me.” If this isn’t ringing for you, design your own positive affirmation, say it, sing it, repeat it! Be an orgasm warrior. Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC is a psychotherapist in New York City where she practices individual therapy, couples counseling, and sex counseling. You can contact Sara at sara@mwr.nyc and read more blog posts at www.mwr.nyc
Follow me on Instagram @sexfacts4dummies Follow me on Twitter @flashtherapy15 Have you recently gone through a breakup? Do you find yourself obsessively thinking about your ex-lover? Are your friends telling you too just move on and get over him or her? Everyone knows that relationship breakups are emotionally painful. The advice people give one another is to “just move on.” While this may be good advice, the brain may not be ready to move on just yet. Research studies show that the brains of people who recently went through a breakup have higher levels of dopamine, serotonin, and the insula and anterior cingulate cortex are active. These three changes are related to addiction, obsessive compulsive disorder, and physical pain. Dopamine is a chemical secreted by the reward system of the brain and this is what gives us that “feeling good” moment. There are many different times that dopamine is produced, one of them being when using drugs. The feelings of withdrawal from drugs are related to the reduced production of dopamine. Hence, cravings develop. The brain is yearning for more of the “feeling good” drug. When we fall in love, our brain produces high levels of dopamine which contributes to the great feeling of being in love. The downside to this is that when we break up, the brain stops producing the dopamine. Hence, the craving for our ex-lover develops! The brain of someone in the midst of a breakup looks very similar to someone who is going through a substance withdrawal. The production of serotonin is also involved in the love and relationship breakup process. Low-levels of serotonin in the brain is related to obsessive compulsive disorder. The brain of someone diagnosed with OCD indicates low-levels of serotonin just as the brain of someone who recently broke up with their boyfriend or girlfriend. The change of production of serotonin is what leads to obsessive thinking while someone is in love and continues during the relationship breakup phase. The insula and anterior cingulate cortex are the areas of the brain that register pain. Researchers asked people who have recently broken up with their partner to look at a picture of their ex. The fMri brain scans of the participants showed that the areas of the brain that register pain were active. This indicates that the brain processes a relationship breakup as physical pain. When we say a breakup hurts, it physically hurts! The next time your friends tell you to “just move on” you can tell them that it is scientifically not possible for you to do so. The brain needs time to adjust to this change before it goes back to regular productions of dopamine and serotonin. But, the suggestion of distracting yourself is a good idea. Keeping your brain busy with other activities will give it the boost needed to regulate itself again. If you still find yourself in pain a while after your relationship breakup, it is time to seek out a therapist who can help you find ways to get yourself (and your brain) back on track. Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC is a psychotherapist in New York City where she practices individual therapy, couples counseling, and sex counseling. You can contact Sara at sara@mwr.nyc and read more blog posts at www.mwr.nyc
Follow me on instagram @sexfacts4dummies Admitting to extramarital sex is taboo. Admitting that sex outside your marriage is better, uho! even more of a no, no! The fact is sex outside the marriage is more exciting and alluring. Affairs teach us that erotic sex thrives on the illicit, newness, risky, out of the ordinary. These are characteristics that are hard to cultivate in a long-term relationship but guaranteed in an affair. What lessons can we learn from extramarital sex? How can we have the best sex and a committed relationship? Read more about infidelity in the article “When The Best Sex is Extramarital” by Dr. Lawrence Josephs. ____________________________________________________________________________________ Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC is a psychotherapist in New York City where she practices individual therapy, couples counseling, and sex counseling. You can contact Sara at sara@mwr.nyc |
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